they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
