plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
time to smoke my breakfast
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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