Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
