He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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