just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
