Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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