What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
