hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize