Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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