So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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