it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
