just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
