he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
