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I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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