My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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