just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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