xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
