if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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