marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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