Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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