I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
