Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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