did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
