She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
