dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
