If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
