He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
