I just made out with a guy for $7.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
