Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
