I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
