oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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