I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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