There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
