first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
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