I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
