I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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