What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
