I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
