At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Pooping to opera.
Randomize