So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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