We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
