Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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