He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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