What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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