yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just gargled with NyQuil
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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