his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
