do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
