Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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