awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
