she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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