he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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