last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think my moral compass just broke
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