I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
