I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
