do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
