I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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