some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
COCAINE IS GR8
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
