she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
