Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize