My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
