i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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