Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
