The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
