Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
