i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
