Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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