He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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