I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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