Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
