Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
