This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Pooping to opera.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
