I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize