thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
