Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
