Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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